In keeping with one of my New Year’s Resolutions, I’m about to meet up with RJ’s friend from music class for a play date, and I get the impression that her mom thinks I’m normal, so I’m like, going light on the eyeliner and trying to think of normal topics to discuss, but I know my social anxiety will immediately take over and I’ll like, drop the fuck word like 10 times and then over-compensate by trying to be relatable by getting her to agree to something like “the best part about having a kid is when you fart or accidentally shit yourself in public, you can totally blame it on your baby, amiright?!”