I am a mom, a parenting newbie

I have a daughter, her name is Ruby

Guess you should know that my name is Anna

This is the tale of the “Shut up Banana!”

I first brought her home and she was so sweet

She’d sleep for hours, just wake up to eat

We’d go out to dinner, she would be fine

Uninterrupted I’d drink lots of wine.

Then one day fateful, things started to change

My little sweetie was acting deranged

Out at a restaurant, we’d try to dine

She’d scream and shout, I’d deny she was mine.

At first I tried milk then maybe a puff

A cracker, some bread–things were getting rough

Diners were staring, my face was real hot

When all of a sudden, I had a thought.

Mimosas were chugged, I scarfed down my meal

The big yellow fruit I started to peel

The tears and the snot subsided real quick

When she took a bite, I felt less like a dick.

Bananas are soft, are mush in a cup

Best of all they shut your baby right up

You can have them for lunch and breakfast too

Next dirty diaper will be filled with poo.

Bananas are cheap, you won’t spend big bucks

Don’t pretend they’re dessert–that really sucks

Peanuts and Butter, they go very well

With the magical fruit that saves you from hell.

Take it from me, you just have to try it

‘Nanas make babies be fucking quiet

Soon you’ll be out with screaming Susanna,

And you will recall the “Shut Up Banana!”

*Illustrations to come