The following is based on actual events

My baby likes to eat a lot

A carrot, squash, a pea

But I kinda get the feeling that

Her favorite dish is me.

I caught her chewing on my shoe

I barely held a scream

Then I found her with her fingers in

A tub of diaper cream.

A scrap of paper off the floor

A tiny speck of crumb

But I do believe what she loves best

Is gnawing on my thumb.

This morning right before her nap

She used my leg to stand

Then she sunk her gums into my calf

I must have tasted bland.

She scrunched her nose up in disgust

I thought she might be done

But her eyes were looking at me like

I was a hot cross bun.

I quickly moved to make some lunch

Some veggies, nice and fresh

But it soon became so very clear

She wanted human flesh.

I started getting nervous when

I heard a troubling sound

She was smacking her lips hungrily

And so I turned around.

It wasn’t very cute at all

It wasn’t at all funny

‘Cause it seemed that what she wanted most

Was me inside her tummy.

Much later in the afternoon

I went in for a kiss

But she bared her teeth and bit my lip

Then closed her eyes in bliss.

I almost called an ambulance

I almost called the cops

As my baby sat upon the couch

Licking clean her chops.

This evening when I drew her bath

She seemed so calm, composed

But she followed me across the floor

Just nipping at my toes.

At bedtime I began to sweat

She made a funny squeal

And I’m pretty sure my baby thinks

I am a Happy Meal.

And now I’m hiding in my bed

I’m running out of luck

Cause my baby is a cannibal

And I’m as scared as fuck.